he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
