I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
