YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
