The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
