the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
