Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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