So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
