You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
