Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
