She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
