Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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