There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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