i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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