Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
