with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
