The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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