i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
