so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
