Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
