I hate your face
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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