So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
