Soap is not a condiment
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wear drunk well.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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