I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
worst night to have a conscience
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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