Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
