Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
