im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They took my balls.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Use "feeling words"
Yay
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
