I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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