We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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