literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
