I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need water and some morals
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
