I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
