The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
