would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
