question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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