Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
