you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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