looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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