i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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