fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
