for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
