this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
