I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just cut my nipple shaving
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
