Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
