He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
