If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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