if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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