I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Let's get the cat blown out
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
