You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
