I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
