Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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