the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
