Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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