I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
